Saturday, April 21, 2018

A Video on Deadly Towers That's Somehow Worse Than Deadly Towers

Long week, but hey one more week to Avengers.

Chris posted an 11 minute 39 second video. Granted, he already bragged it would be this long.
He stated that this is something he wanted to cover since 2007. I knew of at least two different games it could have been. One was Deadly Towers, which he said in a comment on one of his earliest videos (it’s long gone but can be found on a video from the thee3nd), or one of the Simpsons NES games which he mentioned back in his review of the 2007 game.

Turns out the first guess was right, it’s a “review” of Deadly Towers. He also claimed that this video was “30 years in the making”. Yeah I don’t buy that.

Let’s begin

Video opens, he states he’s going to look at a video game he played all the time in his youth (pfft) and it just “pissed him off”. So you played a game “all the time” even though it made you mad? It’s not even like it’s a good hard game like Ghosts n Goblins or Contra, it’s Deadly Towers, what many agree is one of the worst NES games. Are you a masochist or just a liar?

Into the intro… let’s talk about the intro actually.
Reader YouTubed brought it to my attention that this same intro is used by a channel called Blue Television Games. Only real difference is the logo at the end of it. It’s not stolen from him, but rather it’s from a site that sells digital assets for use. Similar to Chris using Digital Juice for all his music. Bores eventually revealed to reader Silent Spring that it came from a site called Envato, while calling Spring an idiot (I guess Bores was channeling DarkSydePhil for that response).

Still, it shows that the one thing I do praise about his show is just something that continues to show how unoriginal he really is. Always a catch to these things.

He starts going on about how much he hates the game and every time he played it there were “bugs”, citing the controls and “hardness factor”. Those aren’t bugs, those are overall issues with the game. It’s not “bugged sword throwing mechanics”.

“I wanted to review this for the first season of my previous show” Previous show? Just say Irate Gamer.
And he confesses he’s using an NES Max for the turbo function. Already a dishonest review.

More dishonesty as it becomes very clear he’s using an emulator. The game is far too clean looking, there’s a filter in use. If he was actually playing on an NES, it would look a lot more pixel-y. So the scene of him putting the game in the console and going on about his need for turbo? Lies! Emulators have built-in turbo anyway. Already this review is a waste.

He comments that the logo doesn’t tell you it’s a medieval game. Then what does it tell you? And what would a logo for a medieval game look like? Hello?
He goes over the story… not much there…
Gives his first complaint about the controls being janky, and how going diagonal is counter-productive. Hmm, wonder where he stole that complaint from. It’s too clever for Bores.
Then stupid joke time as he claims he can’t “walk around a medieval” town in his glasses, so he puts on… the same glasses but a different color. Ugggh enough with the fucking glasses! They’re not funny!

He plays some more, gets knocked into another room, complains about the abundance of enemies, then at one point his audio quality suddenly shifts. Was this something added late? He suddenly sounds completely different!
Notes how the game lags with many enemies on screen. Wow, Chris actually bringing up a technical problem. Let’s see how he ruins it.

He dies, and is thankful there’s “a PASSword system”. Yeah weird emphasis on the “pass”.
Doesn’t understand the need for a password this early, more about enemies, complains killing them takes too long. Goes up to one and says to count how many hits it takes, it’s in fast-motion but it looks like 10. But for “comedy” I guess he says it’s 30. Either that or he’s doing more manipulation like Super Mario Bros. 2

Dies falling into a pit.

Blah blah blah, finds the shop, complains that it’s too early to buy things (no it isn’t), leaves, immediately dies. Bored.

Complains about Prince Myer just beaming in and wonders if he’s coming from the Enterprise. It’s called NES limitations Chris.

Right now things just aren’t interesting. He’s just dying a lot.

Finds a dungeon… dies some more… finds another dungeon that he probably read about in a guide
More dying, finds a dragon, beats it (with fast-forwarding), dies again…
Kills an enemy, and th- OH COME ON that death was clearly on purpose! I know Deadly Towers controls like crap but that was clearly you walking off the edge! I see we’re not past pretending to be harder than it really is.

Boring… complains about an enemy, calls the screens “boards” (*rolls eyes*), finds another mini-boss, beats it but then dies. More dying… more dying…

Then he face palms and “dies” in a way similar to the game. Yep, back to these types of jokes too. How exactly is this a rebrand outside of being more boring and those stupid glasses?

He then reveals the point in the game that he claims was “as far as he got” as a kid. Uh huh, sure. He cries “30 years!” and how he wants to see the ending really bad. VGMuseum could help with that. You know the site exists since you stole the images of the Aladdin ending from them.
But no, he’s just saying that to justify his cheating. With Game Genie. Or rather he opens the cheats menu in his emulator.

He then reaches the area where all the towers are. He plays the Pac-Man death sound for some reason. He’s mad that they put all the tower entrances in one place. Meh…

Boring… boring… boring… I can’t really say much he’s just explaining what’s going on. I’m sure there’s something wrong somewhere but nobody really cares about Deadly Towers. And I don’t really care for this video.

Beats a boss, gets the bell, travels back down, you know this isn’t very exciting when you’re invincible.
More forced anger, and then a dumb joke where he says the game’s full title should be “Deadly Towers Deadly Enemies Deadly Controls Deadly Dungeons Deadly Green Fuzzy Monsters That Make No Sense in the Middle Ages” The only one that applies is controls, the rest rings hollow when you’re cheating. Sorry, but once he brought in Game Genie, the rest of this video is just a mishmash of droning noise.

More climbing, then he shows all the bosses, giving a lot of them random names. I’m sure they’re references to some shitty 80’s show that only he cares about.
Has all the bells, and goes to throw them into the fire. He then complains about having to do all that work for the bells just to have a “kumbaya campfire”. Dude, the game tells you to burn the bells. You even mention this when going over the story. Pay attention to your own fucking script! If you have one, I’m still doubting you do.

Backtracks to the start, goes to the right to a now open door, he drops “30 years” again (stop) and finds it’s another tower. He gets to the top, beats the final boss (calling his second form bear heads when they look more like lions), and praises the game for having an ending. You really get hung up on video game endings way too much Chris.

The game tells him “You are victorious” and Chris says “Great, compared to a Nickelodeon pop star”. You do realize that word has existed long before that show right? Wait, I thought Nickelodeon was the devil now? You know, after you freaked out over seeing the Eye of Providence at the Kids Choice Awards to the point that you won’t let your step-kids watch it? Is this more of that hypocrisy you oh so relish in? I think it is!

He turns off the emulator I MEAN takes the game out of the console.
He cries about “30 years” again, and flaccidly drops the game out of his hand. Video ends, followed by sponsorship.

Booooooring! How the hell did this last 11 minutes? It feels like there was six minutes of content at most. Is this Chris’ strategy now? Be so boring that people won’t notice that it actually sucks? I don’t know, it just feels like my brain has melted and I need to play something good.

But first, some things I need to bring up.

If you haven’t heard by now, Channel Awesome (the home of The Nostalgia Critic and once home to many other reviewers) has basically imploded on itself. Through a combination of former contributor grievances, an egoistically prideful CEO that refuses to give a proper apology, the majority of contributors leaving the site in droves (including Linkara) leaving only Brad Jones and Larry Bundy Jr (who admits he’s only staying as a joke now), accidentally outing that someone was a sexual predator, and just a whole shitstorm of “how not to run a business”, Channel Awesome has basically died and is now just a shambling zombie. All this could have been avoided had they just properly apologized but noooooooo….

Chris decided to take this opportunity for a victory lap! First he claims “I haven’t watched any of them”, but then realized that’s not good enough, and started playing the victim card crying about how “they deserve it because they made fun of me! They made fun of me just for making videos!” No Chris, that’s not why they, or anyone else, made fun of you. They made fun of you because your videos suck, you refuse to learn from your mistakes, you are not funny, your jokes and humor come across as childish and predictable. That is why current and former Channel Awesome contributors made fun of you. It had nothing to do with you “making videos”, that’s just your mental gymnastics trying to justify why people don’t like you. Because surely it has nothing to do with the fact you’re an unpleasant person that poses as his own mother to deflect criticism, and at one point false-flagged any video that was critical of you off of YouTube.

Speaking of false-flagging…
Way back in January 2017, Ben Phillips created “Opening Up: An Irate Gamer Documentary”. A video that showcases the many contradictions and lies featured in Chris’ 39 minute “Opening Up” video. For the longest time, it was one of the first results people would get when searching “Irate Gamer”. Not anymore, and you want to know why? Because Chris Bores flagged it with a copyright strike! Not even using Y2B Productions or any other fake company. Literally just “a copyright claim by Chris Bores” The video was here, but now it's gone. You can see the copyright claim.

*clap clap clap* Wow, 10 years later and you’re still doing the same shitty things. You haven’t learned a thing have you? You’re still the same crybaby from 2008 that couldn’t handle people being critical of your crappy videos. I thought you would at least grow out of that habit. But I was wrong, you are still an awful person Chris. You going to pose as mommy again and come crying here about how wrong we are? How we all have daddy issues or something? Quit pretending to be your mom.

Everyone, you are now free to make videos critical of Bores, and if he false flags you, fight him on it. He has no right to flag any videos like that. It only further shows how insecure he truly is.
I will further update you on this as I learn more.

Thank you all for reading.

Saturday, April 14, 2018

Even a Rebrand Doesn't Stop Recycled Content

*wakes up*
*sees cavalcade of internet drama*
*goes back to sleep*
*gets alert from informant that Bores posted something*

Got a near six minute video this time. Some tiny arcade cabinets.
The thumbnail is terrible. Chris is eating a clearly fake hamburger, like he couldn't go to Burger King or something to pick up a real burger for this thumbnail? What kind of low effort crap is this?
He really wants to emphasize that he's talking about BurgerTime.

Intro, "retro gamers", shmup opening...
Jeez, he's wearing the stupid glasses throughout the video. Are people telling him the glasses are cool? They're not.
He thinks these things are a good way to play arcade classics. Are they? They look tiny, and hard to use. Are they for kids?
He admires the accuracy to the original cabinet. "I don't know how they did it" ... They looked at the cabinet  and copied it? He wonders how they got the art. Likely a deal with G-Mode, the company that owns the rights to BurgerTime. This isn't rocket science!
More admiration, more "cool"
"The sausage that tries to kill you" That's actually a hot dog. The enemies are called Mr. Hot Dog, Mr. Pickle and Mr. Egg.

"These things take four AAA batteries, SUPER COOL" First of all, those are AA batteries, AAA batteries are much skinnier. Second, that is not "super cool" in any way! That's a lot of batteries, and since you have three of these things that's 12. That seems like a waste.
"You can turn the volume up and down which is super cool" Stop saying "super cool". Is it a verbal tic now or something?

"I pretty much have a love-hate relationship with this game because it is so (pointless pause) DIFFICULT" Not really. I mean, the original arcade version maybe since it costs quarters to play and adds a psychological effect that demands you do well or you waste your money. I can't imagine this version since you likely get infinite continues. And even then the game isn't THAT hard, only in later stages.
Chris admits he could only get to the second level. Wow... you suck.

He plays... cries about how tough it is (even though he's not dying a lot)... tries to remember when it was made, claims '83 (actually '82, a year off)....
"It came at the tail end of the video game crash" Chris you do realize that the crash only affected home consoles right? Arcades were safe.

He complains about the aspect ratio, that it should be taller. I should mention this isn't the original arcade version, it's the NES port. Making it "taller" wouldn't help. Also, that makes this a total rip-off. It promises the arcade version, but you don't get that. Going to mention that Chris? Then again, he thinks people wouldn't tell the difference between two versions of Ghosts n' Goblins.
He also complains that the marquee doesn't light, and thinks that it would drive the price up if it did. No not really, this just looks cheaply made.

He moves onto Bad Dudes. He tries to act nostalgic, how he played it at a pizza place. It's not working.
He laments that there's no multiplayer. No shit, that thing can barely fit your hands, much less two.
And then... oh wow. He states that a big reason he loves this game is that it was co-op (or "two players at the same time"  as he often puts it) and that "it was very rare to find games like that". No it wasn't! Contra came out a year before, Rampage came out two years before, TMNT came out a year after. There were plenty of co-op games around that time! How?!
By the way, this is the NES version too. Where BurgerTime only had slight differences, Bad Dudes is VERY different from the arcade version. Wait... remember his Smackdown vs Raw 2008 video? At the end of it he randomly decides to "shred" Bad Dudes on NES because it "sucked ass" compared to the arcade version. How does Chris not notice this? It could be... he's a big liar that never actually played any of these games!

And he goes on about how he needs to review the NES version because what he hates about it is that they removed the co-op. You're playing the NES version you moron! How do you not notice this?!
"I haven't played this in years" Not an excuse!

He moves onto Karate Champ
He thinks this game had a different name. Only in Japan, it was called Karate Do, but everywhere else it was Karate Champ
Again, the NES version. You might have seen this in videos talking about bad games.
He tries playing, randomly references The Karate Kid (cringe) and... stops.

"You could build your own coffee table Arcade!" No.
He mentions how he was at ToyFair. Huh, I wonder if it's connected to when Puppet Steve went to ToyFair. HMMMMMM
Notes there's more coming. I don't think he'll be looking at them, always promises but never delivers.
He claims a PR guy told him they also want to do obscure games. Good luck.
He then claims he told him that he really wants Food Fight. I don't think they can do that, all the games are Midway, Bally, Namco, that line. Food Fight is from Atari. Unless they strike a deal with them, don't expect it.
"It gets no love these days" Because nobody cares. It's not really a major game. Also, I doubt he played it.

Video ends, but then we get a commercial from his sponsor. Retro Game Treasure, a lootbox service that gives you old games.


You may notice in the title I use the term "recycled content". That's because Chris looked at these exact same cabinets on Puppet Steve. On March 29th, so it hasn't even been a while. It's just so damn cynical and lazy. Are we going to see more crap already looked at on Puppet Steve? How long until "Chris Neo" starts doing FNAF shit?
I'd compare the videos, but my tolerance for Puppet Steve is at an all time low after that... "Poopeez" video. *glances at his channel* He just posted a video where he runs over a bootleg plushie with a lawnmower, and a 10 minute video on another grossout toy called the Flush Force. Is grossout coming back? Are we going to see Nickelodeon bring back Ren & Sti- oooh wait no that's probably a bad idea now.

Over on his Facebook, he mentioned that there's another video coming for an NES game, one he's had planned since 2007. I know there's a some games he promised way back then. Deadly Towers in the comments of one of his oldest videos (before they were disabled), and the Simpsons NES titles. Or it could be something else entirely
He then claims this video was "30 years in the making". I get what he means but it still sounds dumb.

That's all for me. It's cold outside.

Sunday, April 8, 2018

An Unnecessary Clickbait Follow-Up

On Friday, Chris released the follow-up to his Sewer Shark video. He said before it would get "long" if he posted it in the initial video. Except this video is only 3 minutes 40 seconds. Sounds like a lie so he could turn it into clickbait. As the title goes "Sewer Shark SEGA CD SATANIC MESSAGE?!"

So what's so important that it needed its own video?

The video opens with Chris claiming that he found this years ago and nobody has posted about it online. Yeah that's a lie. I'll show it's a lie later in the post.

A long explanation on how Sega CD games could also be played in a CD player. I guess it's something for really young people that don't know about CDs?

He finally plays the message. Which is a short phone call to Digital Pictures with someone talking backwards.
"It's not Satanic" ... Chris, you should look up Betteridge's law of headlines. It renders your stupid title pointless.

He goes on about how it freaked him out as a kid. No I can't buy that you ever touched a Sega CD as a kid. No.

The backwards message is just someone saying "Number 9" three times. A reference to Revolution 9 from The Beatles' White Album. He claims the Beatles were infamous for putting backmasked messages in their songs. That was only two songs, Rain and Free as a Bird. There is no "Paul is dead" messages, there is no secret Satanic shit in Stairway to Heaven, it's all interpretation. But then what do I expect from someone that still thinks ghosts are real.

The video ends with Chris declaring Sewer Shark one of his favorite Sega CD games. Whew talk about shit taste! There's way better games on Sega CD. Chris seems like the type that thinks the flashy new tech equals quality, when it really doesn't.

First of all, Chris is lying when he says this has never been seen before. I Googled "Sewer Shark Easter Egg" and this was one of the first results.

Posted in 2010! Eight years ago!
Once again, Chris fails at doing basic research.

Secondly, why couldn't this be in the first video? This didn't really need to be a separate video. Well, outside of the blatant clickbait. That's probably the entire reason.

Sorry for the sloppiness of this post. There wasn't really much to say.
Well there is one thing. Chris' view counts are terrible. The Sewer Shark video is only a little over 10,000 now. For someone with 156k subs, that is garbage. It's like how Puppet Steve has over 280k subs, but his Etsy store only has 126 sales.
Speaking of... *checks Puppet Steve videos* "Five Night's at Freddy's Star Wars Lego" What the fuck is this? Throw it in the trash.

Saturday, March 31, 2018

Bores Returns with FMV Garbage (and boring)

That was quick.

Seems Chris has already posted his first review for his comeback. A 10 minute (hoo boy) look at Sewer Shark. At least it’s actually a bad game, and I’m surprised it’s not an NES title.
Oh wait, it turns out that he’s not the Irate Gamer anymore. He’s actually… Chris Neo. Yeah seems that name change on Twitter actually had a point. It’s the Chris Neo Show. That is just dumb! Do you think you’re in the Matrix or something?

Let’s look at the description. Seems the hiatus was due to raising a family and “etcetera”. Not going to mention the puppets?
“Rebooted for 2018, the new flagship show of the channel, Chris Neo is a little bit of old with a little bit of new. Hope you enjoy. the show taking over this channel fro now on.” Yeah I can’t imagine it will be any different. Nice typo.
Below that he still has that moronic “Parapper the Rapper free” slogan, and below that is him saying “this is the Irate Gamer channel”. I thought this was Chris Tube now? Impressive, even with your big comeback, you’re still lazy as fuck.

Let’s begin.

0:00 - 0:21: We open on Bores fake-playing while wearing those stupid neon glasses, then notices us. “HEY GAMERS” Why did that sound so forced?
He explains that the show has “rebranded” and it will be “old mixed with new”. So I imagine it will just be old and new games. Not much different then?

0:21 - 0:30: We get our intro for the Chris Tube channel. A decently animated space shoot-em-up sequence. Doesn’t really tell us anything but okay.

0:31 - 1:09: Oh wow, he actually calls himself “Chris Neo”. He‘s still Bores (in more ways than one).
He says he’s going to look at something on Sega CD because he neglected it. “I have never reviewed one game for that system” SERIOUSLY? Not even a minute in and you got something wrong. You looked at Mighty Morphin Power Rangers on Sega CD. You know, the shitty FMV rhythm game? It was big finale to your terrible storyline! This is going to be a long video.
He notes how Sega CD owners couldn’t escape this game because it was bundled with the system. Technically true but it wasn’t until later. As Wikipedia puts it “Sewer Shark is one of the first titles for the Sega CD and one of its best-selling games, leading Sega to eventually bundle it with Sega CD units.” Keyword being eventually.
He puts the game in and then lowers his glasses as he starts. Ditch the glasses, seriously.

1:10 - 4:20: “The super cool start-up screen” Oh nooo he’s bringing over his Puppet Steve mannerisms! Hide the toys!
“Boy that takes me back” There it is, the old “I’m totally a gamer guys” pandering. Been wanting to dust that one off huh Chris?
He expresses surprise at seeing “A Hasbro Production” and how it’s “been so long that he forgot”. Not going to mention why? The game was in development for a VHS console called the Control-Vision, but Hasbro cancelled it so Tom Zito and his company Digital Pictures made it a Sega CD game.

“That’s the iconic opener” … There is nothing “iconic” about Sewer Shark. It is not a game most people remember fondly. You should look up what iconic means.
He goes on about how “ground-breaking it was” and it’s likely the reason they packaged it. Also it technically isn’t the first game to have live-action FMVs, the Action Max from 1987, while a VCR console, had them first. Plus, Sewer Shark launched alongside Night Trap and two of those Make My Video games. Sega probably decided on Sewer Shark to bundle because it wasn’t controversial and it at least had gameplay (not good but it had it).
Then a lot of nothing happens… Chris makes a couple comments but just lets the intro play.
“You’ve gotta love this intro” Do I? Because it’s really fucking cheesy, and not in a good way.
“It has all that 1980’s campiness to it” Oh yeah, all that 80’s camp. Perfectly shown on the game’s release date of October 15th 1992!
Okay the footage was produced in 1987, and it would have been nice if Chris pointed out the reason why it took five years to come out *points up to the Hasbro comment*

Then Chris out of nowhere states that Ghost (the commanding officer that talks to you) reminds him of “the grandson from Mama’s Family”, and then shows a bit from that show’s theme song to compare. Oh yeah because your young fans are going to know what Mama’s Family is. Does that even play on TV or stream on Netflix or Hulu? The most young people know about that show is from a joke on The Simpsons.

Ghost gives him his nickname of Dog Meat, and Chris claims he’s been called worse. Huh, no lies detected in that one.
More intro… Catfish (the weird orb with googly eyes) shows up, Chris claims that he was brought in to appeal to kids. I don’t think this game appeals to anyone.
“Hey it worked, because I was a kid when I played this game” No you weren’t you liar! You only just played this.

4:21 - 6:28: FINALLY he gets to the game part of the game, and he tries to be self-aware and note that it took four minutes to get here. Being self-aware doesn’t change the fact this video is poorly paced.
He compares the game to Captain EO and Star Wars. Barely. Granted, at least there’s a tie to Star Wars here, the game’s effects were directed by John Dykstra, one of the founders of ILM and the lead effects director of the first Star Wars.
He goes over control, how you need to follow the arrows on top of the screen. His delivery is really awkward, more than normal. “Miss too many of them and you’ll becomes *beat* SEWER PASTE *pause* splattered on the wall” Did you do this in one take?

More explanation. Probably from a manual he found online.
Comments that the backgrounds are like a Hanna-Barbara cartoon. How many times has he done this comparison?
Then randomly edits in Huckleberry Hound. REFERENCES! Do kids even know who that is?
More explanation… not much to say.

6:29 - 8:34: He gets to a part where he wants to pause. Wanting to address a pink door.
It’s a barrier that indicates if you’re doing well. He wasn’t so he dies.
“Aw fucknuts” Uh oh, here comes the demonetization police.
Claims there’s no lives or continues (trying to confirm but I can’t find that info myself). I know there’s a code to have continues but that’s not accessible until your rank goes up.
He gets through the door, reaching the first cutscene with Robert Costanzo’s Stenchler. We get such riveting commentary from Chris like “Look at him eat, getting fat”. So poignant.

“Now the further you get in the game, of course, the difficulty increases” It’s almost like it’s a video game. Seriously Chris? 11 years and you’re still addressing that?
He complains that the arrows no longer show up, and you can only advance through hints, as shown with a cutscene with Falco telling you “12, 3, 12”. I looked in the game’s manual and the numbers indicate directions like a clock. 12 means going up, 9 means left, 6 means down, and 3 means right. Meaning you go up, right and up. Chris complains because he has to write it down and he can’t find a pencil.
Eventually he dies at a pink door, and notes this was as far as he could get. Then why is there still time in the video?

8:34 - 10:08: And now it’s time for “Footage taken from someone else’s channel without giving any credit at all!” What fun! It looks really terrible too.
He summarizes the end of the game. Claiming they murder the boss. Uhh not really, they just put him in an inner tube and roll him into the ocean. You do know what “deep six” means right?
Takes the game out, says it’s “super hard but super nostalgic” (stop), and that he has more to talk about for another video because it will get “long in the tooth”. Longer than 10 minutes? Oh please no.
He gives his “Game On” and then the room darkens to only show his glasses. Ditch them. Seriously.

Well… it wasn’t really cringey. Just so damn boring. Could have taken that time to do some research instead of the RIVETING commentary you were providing. So is “boring” going to be the standard? More boring I mean?

That’s all for me. I’m going to watch Spoony’s video on this game, from back when he was actually good and not a dumpster fire.

Thursday, March 29, 2018

He's back.

I had hoped to go through March without a single post. I was close too.

He's been silent on Facebook outside of a horrible thing he said about Stoneman Douglas survivor Emma Gonzalez, I chose not to address it fearing the political maelstrom that would follow.
Puppet Steve has been the same shit since he came back from ToyFair. Though there was this one massive 10:25 minute video discussing a toyline called, and I am not kidding, Poopeez. A line of toilet themed toys. I chose not to cover it because I couldn't last a minute without the assistance of hard liquor. Just imagine someone doing a fake annoying laugh after showing every single thing. View at your own risk.

But then, I got a surprise. I have been informed that Chris uploaded something new to "CB Network", formally the Irate Gamer channel. It's not ghost related.
What we get is a minute long video, and despite that it could have been shorter. The first 30 seconds focus entirely on a TV with Super Mario Bros paused on screen. Chris walks by and unpauses the game at the 30 second mark (see what I mean by shorter?) He jumps right into a Bullet Bill, dies, and lets out a cartoonish "DAMN IT". He then throws a pillow at his Samsung TV. Don't do that, that's a nice TV.

Then we get a little montage. Quotes like "You asked for it!" "Rebooted for 2018" "So get ready" and "Coming soon". Through out that we see Chris throwing a Genesis controller, holding a radio (what), and one last shot looking into the camera and saying "We're back baby!" In all his scenes, Chris is wearing these dorky looking neon glasses that glow in the dark. No, those look terrible, you can't be serious. Are you trying to be "80's" again? Even Ernest Cline would tell you to tone it down.

So yeah, Irate Gamer is coming back. Guess Puppet Steve isn't paying the bills anymore. Who knows, Chris never talks about why he does what he does outside of vague notions or outright lies. He'll probably try to do both IG and Puppet Steve, especially since he can basically turn Puppet Steve into a Mad Libs script.

One of the bigger changes is the channel name. It's no longer "CB Network", it's now "CHRIS-TUBE" (in all caps). The channel avatar is Chris in those dumb neon glasses. The channel banner shows the Chris-Tube logo and lists three things under it. "Video Games. Unboxings. Pop Culture". I sense more of the same shit he did when his channel was dying before this...
He also changed his Twitter name. The handle is still "@ChrisBoresIG", but the name is changed to "Chris NEO". So more of the same but with less effort? Just like IG Neo?

Sooooo yeah. Guess I've got more material in the future. I'll be seeing you then. Just don't expect same-day delivery.

Wednesday, February 28, 2018

Chris' Absolutley Abysmal Toy Fair Coverage

Sometimes, you see something so astonishingly bad, so terribly misinformed, so very little effort put into it, that you can't just ignore it.

From February 17-20, NYC hosted the annual American International Toy Fair, and amazingly Chris got invited. I guess Puppet Steve is that popular? Toy Fair is invite-only by the way.
If you recall his E3 coverage, it's pretty similar. Well, without all the interviews because I doubt Chris has enough clout to tell random people "Can you pretend this puppet is real and it's interviewing you?" He's not the Jim Henson Company or Robert Smigel.
But it is loaded with all the usual misinformation that Chris is known for. What fun!

I won't go over every video, my sanity can only take so much. It's more the lowlights.

This year, Chris did something different and did some live coverage using YouTube's streaming feature. It went about as well as you might expect, in that it was a total disaster.
The video quality looked like a cell phone from 2006. It lagged in spots, causing commentary to go out. Everything was blurry. Perhaps it's why Chris stopped after 11 videos and just went to post-production commentary. This will hurt him.
Chris barely even tried the Steve voice. He was basically doing his normal voice but with "attitude". Was he afraid of people staring at him?
He also shows that he still can't ad-lib to save his life. Every toy he looked at was "super cool". Not just cool, "super cool". Chris really does feel like the embodiment of Steve Buscemi's "How do you do, fellow kids" scene...
Most of the live coverage was FNAF related, because of course it was. He still calls Chica a guy (how long has he been doing this?)

There's also Bendy coverage, Stikbots (whatever those are), toys based on Hello Neighbor (why?), and then we get into the reaaaal bad shit with a video on Transformers. It features one of the major problems with his coverage, Chris not getting names right or even trying to say their names even though they're written right on the box. My informant notes how he just says "this Predacon" when the box clearly has their names. That is some next level lazy.
Even the clickbait title is lazy, using The Last Knight. Even though the toys have nothing do with that movie, and even then the movie came out months ago and it wasn't popular.

He followed that up with a video on Nickelodeon toys, specifically based on 90's Nicktoons. The mistakes really start adding up here. Referring to "Aaahh!!! Real Monsters" as just "the Real Monsters show", getting Oblina's name wrong (pronouncing it Oblika), and referring to Gerald from Hey Arnold as simply "Arnold's friend". Not like he was an important character or anything!

Following that one is a video on new Marvel Legends figures based on the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and Chris' commentary makes it sound like he hasn't watched a single MCU movie.
It starts with him referring to Red Skull as "Red Hood", that's DC you fuck! Then he calls Ronan the Accuser "the villain from the second Thor movie". That was Malekith, and he looks nothing like Ronan. Ronan was the villain of Guardians of the Galaxy.
Then he shows a two-pack of Thor & Sif, and openly says he doesn't remember her name. I'll explain why this is bullshit soon.
Then he calls Yellow Jacket "the evil Ant-Man". Good lord, I know the MCU has a problem with creating memorable villains but you're not even trying!
The reason that Sif line, and really getting all these names wrong are complete bullshit, is that you can clearly see the names on the boxes! They're right behind the figures! How are you THIS terrible at this Chris? Is there something wrong with you?

Then a video on Lego sets (actual Lego, not the off-brand stuff) with cringy sketches involving his custom Lego Puppet Steve. He actually brought it with him just to do that... that is so lame.
He looks at $100 Harry Potter set, makes the old as fuck "Dumbledore is Gandalf" joke (that joke is old enough to have children), gets more things wrong like not recognizing Nearly Headless Nick or Professor Quirrel (you know, the villain of the first book & movie!) There's a reason these are problems I'll get into later...
"The cool spell hat" That's the Sorting Hat! Come on!
Then he shows Jurassic Park/World sets. The first one he refers to as "Manor house museum". Even though the box clearly says "Indoraptor Rampage at Lockwood Estate". He makes a terrible joke about the dinosaur bones being their "mummy". Even though those are Indoraptors, and the skeleton is a triceratops. You're not even trying!
He refers to the park security as "FBI agents". Unless there's FBI agents in the upcoming movie, then they're not FBI.
Then he looks at another set that he refers to as "Paradactyl Chase". Nooo it's called Pteranodon Chase, it says it right there on the box! Also, you don't pronounce the P in Pterodactyl or Pteranodon you hack.
Then another set that clearly has the Tyrannosaurus Rex, but he just refers to it as "dinosaurs". Come on Chris, the T-Rex is the mascot! You can't seriously be this lazy!

And now we get to the video that inspired me to make this post. One about new Pokemon toys. Bores and Pokemon, you know this will go well.

It all goes wrong when he refers to a Togetic figure as "full-grown Togepi". Just... wow. Not to mention wrong because Togetic isn't the final form anymore, it's Togekiss. Hell it's been Togekiss for 12 years now.
Then he refers to Marill as "Pikablu". What... year ... is it? I can't believe there's still someone that unironically uses Pikablu. Holy fuck.
Then he doesn't even try with Chinchou and Pidgey, simply calling them "this guy". You don't even know Pidgey? Come on!
Though he recognizes Staryu, he fails on Wurmple, Charjabug, Salandit, and Togedemaru.
Pichu is simply "the baby Pikachu", and he fails to name Larvitar and Pikipek
By the end of it, he doesn't even try to name Carvanha, Stufful, and Bounsweet.
Look, I get not knowing the Gen 7 Pokemon so easily, I would have trouble too as I have barely played the Gen 7 games (I found them so boring). But see I know how to do a little something called... research! If I don't know something, I look into it. And this is the problem I wanted to address with these videos.

They're very clearly done in post-production, with post-commentary and visual edits. This isn't the live stuff he tried during Toy Fair. Chris purposely recorded all these videos with misinformation, not caring if the name was on the box, or if the name could easily be looked up. He could have bothered to look up Togetic or Marill or Pidgey or all the Alola Pokemon, but he didn't even try. He could have double checked who these MCU characters were, or those Predacons, but he didn't lift a finger. This further showcases how Puppet Steve is nothing more than low effort garbage that acts as dangling keys for easily-entertained kids.

Chris as a content producer has completely given up. He's not even accomplishing the bare minimum. As awful as Irate Gamer was, at least there was a small sense of trying. It wasn't good, but at least you could somewhat tell he tried. This is Chris not even doing that. Does he no longer have pride in his own work? Or is this just shit to pay the bills because his ghost hunting garbage will never get off the ground.

EDIT: Seems I spoke too soon about interviews. He actually did one! But not as Puppet Steve. In fact, it's pretty clear that Steve is in there via green screen, and when it cuts to a close up of the interviewee, you see Chris' hand holding an iPhone (instead of a mic). When Steve is on screen, the interviewee is looking down. That must have been awkward. "Hey can I film you looking down at something even though nothing is there?" "Why?" "Just do it!" 

Saturday, February 17, 2018

Former Fan Testimony from The Childish Psychopath

Been a while since one of these. A former IG fan going by the nickname "The Childish Psychopath" wanted to share his experience with the Irate Gamer. This is a direct copy of his testimony. Enjoy.

I started watching the Irate gamer back in 2008, I use to be a fan of him, as well as the angry video game nerd.  I was also 10 years old so I didn't really know much during that time.  My first video of him was with his review of predator.  At 10 years old, I am not ashamed to say that his jokes were funny.  (Especially that fucking newspaper joke on Tekken.....) 

Me and my older brother would watch his videos non-stop and I it was a blast.  I currently wasn't aware of the research errors and stolen footage at that time, even the most obvious when he was reviewing Ghost n Goblins when he went from nes graphics to Arcade.  As for the tmnt 2 game, I shamefully believed him that they could have made better graphics for the new adaptation. (I was a fucking idiot). I don't remember much but also remember him going on and on about his skylander fetish nonstop.  I would constantly check back to see if he made any new content on the IG show.  But guess what, MORE FUCKING SKYLANDERS!!!!  That was when I moved on to watch other things like anime and such.  

As I grew older, I had vague memories of this shitty gem,  I haven't heard from him until I looked up Guru Larry's fact hunt on the rise and fall of of YouTube gamers.  The moment He talked about Chris, I was all like "Oh hey it's this guy!" Then after an explanation of how he failed and the shit he failed to do.  I then began to look at his channel to see what was left of him.  Then I began to think back on his reviews on how pathetic they were.  I remember playing Battalion wars 2, It was fun and no Chris, the COs didn't constantly remind and HOW HARD IS IT TO CAPTURE 1 FUCKING BASE!!! Then to Aladdin and I remember having on the snes.  It was fun, then Chris talked shit about it.  Finally GnG which Was the final nail in the coffin. 

Even though I was not aware of the controversy of the AVGN and IG, It is safe to say he is a fucking hack.  Which brings me to the blog, I enjoy reading all the reviews you tore to shreds as well as the shit he says.  Now he is a fragment of a forgotten memory.  But anyways this is my confession, thank you for reading.